Let’s Be Friends!


Photo from WildAnimalFightClub.com.

Everyone. Calm down. Let’s get over this one.

On Facebook, your “Friends” aren’t your friends.

It just means you’re trading Feeds. It’s the same when you become a “Fan” or “Like” something / someone. All you’re doing is adding yet another source of data to your home page. It’s nothing personal, so stop freaking out. (I know… it’s a dirty trick they’ve pulled, using an everyday word to mean something else, but you’ll get the hang of it.)

Facebook connects people through Aggregation — grabbing streams of information and mashing them together. Think of a Feed as a thick rope that’s braided together from hundreds (or thousands) of small threads. If you don’t want one of the threads, just delete it (or even Hide it). Easy!

Facebook allows you to filter Feeds (people) into Lists. I have 3 different ones:

  • Weird people I want to get to know.
  • People I already know in real life (family, friends).
  • Everyone.

Facebook is like a giant newspaper written by average people, or one of those graffiti walls down on Venice Beach. See it for what it is. It’s customized chaos, just for you. No two people have the same feed on their home page (unless they have identical lists of connections).

Don’t confuse yourself with the names of the stupid buttons. Clicking on “Like” doesn’t mean you are an advocate for that person or product. Facebook changes their jargon for this “social video game” all the time, so it doesn’t matter. Next month it could be called “Stalking” or “Worshipping.” Who cares?

And don’t worry about having too many “Friends.” Most just lurk and don’t post anything! I have nearly 1,300 and I can read my entire feed in probably 15 minutes.

Wanna be “Friends?” Okay. No problem.

Just NEVER do the following:

1.) Post self-promoting links on my wall, unless they’re relevant to conversation.
2.) Send me “Gifts” or include me in any app / video game / virus.
3.) Invite me to “Like” every single thing you “Like.”
4.) Tag me in a Note that has nothing to do with me.
5.) Operate under the assumption that Vegans only eat lettuce, while everyone else gets a pizza party.

This is my public blog. You can also Join My Cult!

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