Play On The Sir Millard Mulch 30th Anniversary Tribute!


Ever heard of a song called, “The Boy With The Perfectly Square Butthole” by Sir Millard Mulch?

Probably not. It’s not available anywhere.

Ever PLAYED on “The Boy With The Perfectly Square Butthole?”

Here’s your chance!

The song was originally recorded 30 YEARS AGO TODAY on September 12, 1997.It was printed on a 100-run of cassettes and later, an out-of-print CD called “50 Intellectually Stimulating Themes From A Cheap Amusement Park For Robots & Aliens, Vol. 1.”

It’s a song about alienation, naivety, and the pride that can only come from two parallel lines and another pair of parallel lines placed perpendicular to those, between two buttocks. (It’s kind of Masonic.)

Here’s what to do:

1.) Download the guide track:
2.) Play along with it. On any instrument. Or vocals. Or any kind of noise you can make.
3.) Email your tracks or a link to your tracks (with the guide removed) to:


• You must follow the original form, tempo, and lyrics of the song.
• That means someone is going to have to sing it. Scary, huh? Male, female, we don’t care.
• You can add fills, weird beats, displacements, metric modulations, harmonies, etc. Do whatever you want. You can program it, play it, just make it good. Finally.
• Any recording quality is accepted.
• You know that part where the drums and bass get all weird with pointillism? Do a solo there. Or play something steady so someone else can solo. Go crazy, or don’t.
• If you can figure out how to be creative while still meshing with unknown tracks, you will probably win. You can submit as many tracks and instruments as you’d like.
• It’s not a bad song, but it can be better. So make it better. Surprise us.

This contest is open to anyone, unless Carl King doesn’t like you.

In TWO WEEKS from today (9/26/11), the best tracks will be cleaned up and mixed together by Carl King and released as a commemorative download. The song was written in one evening, so don’t whine. Winners will have their name / band promoted and receive a very special T-shirt.

It will be official. You can say you worked with Sir Millard Mulch. You can put it in parenthesis after your name, like this:

Your Name (Sir Millard Mulch, Some Other Boring Band, Some Stupid Girl With Rich Parents)

EXCITING BONUS QUESTION: What if not enough people participate?
ANSWER: Carl King will hire a well-known musician to play the remaining parts. Who could it be?

Good luck!

Carl Kingdom / The Marketing Department

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