Quotes by Dr. Zoltan!

“Mozart sounds like a child hyperventilating with a harmonica in his mouth. It is an endless V-I cadence. Inhale, exhale. Dr. Zoltan desires the opportunity to smack him in the back of the head, causing him spit it out.”

“My new music will simply change the course of music history… and that of music future.”

“The supposed musicians in bands like Meshuggah, Dream Theater, and Dillinger Escape Plan will put down their instruments and cry when they realize how easy it was for me to annihilate their cheap math-rock clichés.”

“If Frank Zappa were still alive, he would appreciate my music.”

“If you are looking for music, try a different century.”

“The reason that humans have not already created something on this level is that they are afraid of what the other humans will do to them. I am not afraid.”

“Most humans will wonder how such a marvelous thing could be created. It will be so good that only the qualified ears among you will understand it. I’m sorry.”
“Many humans will be trying to copy me with their crude rock instruments. And they will try, but it will be too difficult.”

“I have been patient with the human race for long enough, now it is time for me to laugh as I unleash my towering, asymmetrical beast.”

“Nothing important has been done in music for 100 years. I will show you what the next step is, since you fools could not figure it out for yourselves.”

“Dancing is for people who can not play a musical instrument. Do not make unnecessary motions.”

“Humor is a device through which we can avoid sincerity. And we must. Because sincerity is boring.”

“Question: What About That Block?”

“They Might Be Giants were much better when it was just two weird guys. Fire the band please.”

“Playing live is for posers. I recommend that you stay home and record.”

“We are NOT all the same.”

“Most US citizens already live under a dictatorship for 8 hours a day, not thinking. So what is the big deal if we make it 24?”

“Laughter is the sonic boom that occurs when breaking the barrier between truth and lies.”

“The word Friendship consists of two words, Friends, and Hip. Two bad things that are worse put together.”

“Slang is nothing but cliché words used to communicate between fools who have no imagination.”

“Cars are only inefficiently designed trains.”

“The financial consequences of being out-of-step with society are the primary obstacle.”

“What are laws? Laws are averages. They are designed to benefit the most average people.”

“I can see the pink elephant.”

“The ideal scenario would be to create a product that is simultaneously a trite potboiler and an inside, high-playing mockery of itself.”

“The employee mindset is that of turning yourself into a non-thinking machine or cog.”

“Trite: Lacking in freshness or effectiveness because of constant use or excessive repetition. No power to evoke interest.”

“Are you wearing your cultural costume today? How many different ways can you say IGNORANT?”

“First the kids wanted to be rockstars. Then they wanted to be film directors. Next, they will want to be politicians.”

“Illiterate people can not write books. But idiots can still perform music. Unacceptable.”

“Cellphones are the government’s way of tricking people into carrying microphones, cameras, and a GPS.”

“The Twin Towers collapsed at free-fall speed. The same speed that the members of Nickelback would fall.”

“Goth people are not so bad, really. They will at least admit they are playing dress-up.”

“Proof that terrorists are either stupid or are simply a myth: Hollywood celebrities still walk on earth.”

“The future is not limited by what is possible. The future is limited by what people are willing to buy.”

“Philosophy is a science, full of inventions. Most of these inventions are not profitable, so they rot.”

“Are you a creator or a consumer?”

“Fascism: A system of government that exercises a dictatorship of the extreme right, typically through the merging of state and business leadership.” Sound familiar?”

“Some of the things I have said are so fabulous that I am not even going to share them with the human race.”

“Being a pioneer in any field is going to get you into trouble. So be it. Grow a beard. Stop showering. It is worth it.”

“You can not kill the giant robot unless you climb all the way up on its shoulder and toss a grenade in its ear.”

“Noam Chomsky is a poser.”

“There is almost always a very simple explanation that is so trite and rude that it remains unspoken.”

“I want you to try something. Try to go ONE FULL DAY without taking any action to make the humans around you comfortable.”

“Do not give stock answers. Give them the real deal. Try to have a genuine conversation. Watch the person’s eyes try to run from you.”

“I adhere to The One Path; I move in only one precise direction that can not be followed. I have a direct connection with The Truth.”

“The record industry is not declining. It is moving towards a state of equilibrium – according to the law of supply and demand.”

“Classical musicians do not dance.”

“Do you create ANYTHING? Or are you nothing but a walking billboard advertising the things that you consume?”

“Rock concerts are populated by audience members and even performers who lack a musical education.”

“The music must be simplistic to facilitate efficiency of posing and face-making. Keep it simple!”

“If your band is a trendy genre hopper, make sure you throw in a death metal section. Pretend that section is harder to play.”

Did You Know: “Black Sabbath originally called themselves, ‘Polka Tulk Blues Company?’ Would you have still liked them?”

“Society approves of my chaotic lifestyle and punishes those who actually try to figure things out.”

“Mating is solely dependent upon strategic placement of fat. For example, in females: fat boobs are good, fat stomach is bad.”

“Heroin was invented as cough medicine and a non addictive substitute for Opium by Bayer (I.G. Farbin).”

“I believe that we should evolve technologically above the need for consuming animals. The food industry is inefficient and cruel.”

“Dimebag presented a lifestyle that glorified violence through the use of theatrical allegory.”

“I do not waste time using drugs. I want to stay potent and strong so I can inflict maximum damage on the ‘Fun Industry.'”

“I will be a handsome old man, and you will look ridiculous.You stretched your earlobes out all weird and drew stupid stuff all over yourself.”

“I think my dog should be allowed to be in the living room I am paying for.”

“Artists and movie directors are not required to perform live to justify their works – neither should the modern musician be.”

“If musicians were not expected to be so illiterate and aloof, they could write articles about their own albums and would not need reviewers.”

“Guitars and drums became popular because they are easy to play and understand – as opposed to a piano, saxophone, or a violin.”

“The media needs to spend more time examining the psychological state of these kids who go over the edge and less time on celebrity culture.”

“Implement deeply-consequential long-range plans in your mid-20’s that show you have learned how to contribute to Temporary Western Civilization.”

“You will come to experience a true sense of mature, adult power by walking away from any relationship at the drop of a hat.”

“Music is unimportant. Music will not change the world.”

“I see opportunistic kids, climbing the ladder and giving nothing back to the causes which made all of this possible for them.”

“Music fans, from the lowest ignoramus to the most self-righteous elitist, will buy ANYTHING if you put the right spin on it.”

“I am motivated by the feeling that I am not worth anything to anyone, except as a myth or cultural anomaly.”

“A strong brand or symbol carries with it the capacity to be interpreted in the realms of both the figurative and the literal.”

“Genre is not a fundamental attribute of music.”

“You are only allowed to be sad if you are good looking. EVERYONE will want to save you. But the ugly dog gets put to sleep.”

“All of those who sell T-shirts… are the same who sell T-shirts… buy a shirt now!”

“Please remember to spell check your hate mail before you submit it to drzoltan@drzoltan.com”

“Guitarists are no longer permitted to display ferocious technical ability unless it is intended as sarcastic mockery / novelty / parody.”

“I never have a hard time finding interesting people. Humans try to be more interesting around me, so I will like them.”

“Every problem the human race has stems from people who do not make the fundamental effort to study themselves.”

“There are many bad ideas that are perpetuated simply by habit, social inertia, lack of innovation, and fear of alienation.”

“The loss of civil liberties in any country is a direct result of people defaulting on the responsibility to use their minds.”

“Listen closely. What I am right now, everyone will want to be in then years time. I am always ahead of the humans.”

“With the extinction of physical media containers, temporal restrictions placed on my creations no longer exist.”