Let’s say a guy has body dysmorphia.
Since I don’t have it, I can only speculate. I imagine he looks in the mirror and sees an ugly person looking back: a distorted version of himself that no one else experiences. Features of his face and body are warped through a filter in his own mind. And he knows it. He’s even been diagnosed. But no matter how much he tries, he can’t see himself accurately. Lips are too small, nose is too big, skin is saggy, eyebrows are thin, teeth are crooked, etc. He gets treatments and procedures to try to “fix” it.
You can tell him, “You’re wrong. It’s easy. Just stop thinking that.”
But the advice doesn’t help. It only makes him feel worse. Because if it is so easy for everyone else not to have that problem, it must mean he’s also weak — or even stupid for choosing to suffer for no reason.
I’ve only recently discovered I have a severe “Anxious Attachment” style. It’s been there since childhood. It manifests as the feeling that no one really likes me or cares about me.
It’s basically why I have done everything, ever.
All the music, all the videos, all the books. Thanks, Anxious Attachment!
I see the entire world through these goggles.
I don’t know how to take them off.
Sure, I can make these logical Cognitive Behavior Therapy arguments:
1 – People care about me even if I haven’t heard from them in months.
2 – Everyone has different “love languages,” so they might show it differently.
3 – Not everyone needs to be my extremely close friend.
4 – They have their own problems in life to deal with.
5 – I’m probably exaggerating.
And then I return to the fundamental feeling that I’ll be de-prioritized, rejected, and abandoned. I’m on the lookout for it. I expect it.
But there’s good news. At the very least, I’m done with always blaming others for it.
I’m making progress.
However. How… ever…
1 – Some people have personalities that trigger it in me. Specifically folks with ADHD. Their wandering attention — always chasing the next novel stimulus in the environment and multitasking — results in me feeling ignored.
2 – And sometimes, people really don’t care about me. Some truly are using me (or being transactional) because that’s considered normal social behavior.
But I don’t trust my own judgment on these things. Maybe someday I will?
It doesn’t help that we hallucinate our reality.