Do you struggle with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria? Anxious Attachment? Just need a dose of good ol’ social paranoia to ruin your day? This list is for you.
These signs can apply to friendships, family, dating, or marriage.
1 – Never initiates. You call and visit them. They don’t call or visit you. If you don’t solely maintain the connection, it ends.
2 – They are big in your world. You are small in theirs.
3 – Rejects your offers to connect and won’t make counteroffers. As in, “I can’t tonight, but how about tomorrow night?”
4 – Talks about themselves non-stop and dominates the conversation. Doesn’t pause for you to speak.
5 – Gives you unthoughtful, impersonal gifts.
6 – Does not care about your inner world. You’re psychologically invisible to them.
7 – Not curious about your past traumas and how you struggle to overcome them. If you have problems, then you’re just weak.
8 – Never compliments you.
9 – Takes no interest in the things you created or accomplished.
10 – Cannot simply value and enjoy your presence. Offering yourself is not good enough. Spending time together requires justification: somewhere to “go” or something to “do.” God forbid you focus on each other.
11 – Will not make you a priority in their life. Won’t make or keep plans with you. Always fills their time with something else more important. Always “so busy!”
12 – There’s a conflict of interest — a secondary benefit to knowing you (money, networking, helping them with something).
13 – Perceives you as lower than them on an imaginary status hierarchy (“I’m better / more famous / smarter / better looking than you are”). Assumes dominance and superiority.
14 – Only communicates with you via low-effort actions (social media likes, forwarding you reels). Or the dreaded cliche texts like, “Happy Friday! I hope you are well,” that they copy and paste to 27 other people.
15 – Replies to your messages with stock answers, a single emoji, or witty “send, close the window, and immediately forget you exist” -type comments. Adds no sincere value.
16 – Doesn’t reply at all, but during that time, posts on social media.
17 – Defaults to criticism instead of support and understanding: “tough love.”
18 – Around for the good times — abandons you in the bad times.
19 – Looks at their phone and other things more than they look at you.
20 – Inconsistent with their attention. They come and go when it’s convenient for them.
21 – Won’t accommodate your weaknesses — or even your preferences. Does not respect your boundaries or things that make you uncomfortable.
22 – Refuses a serious conversation to work through disagreements or problems. You’re not worth the trouble.
23 – Keeps parts of their life separate from you — friends you can’t meet, places you can’t go with them. Doesn’t include you in important events like birthdays or holidays.
24 – Makes constant jokes at your expense, digging at your specific insecurities. Sniping at you from behind the cover of “just kidding.”
25 – Discourages your dreams and goals. “You’ll never be good at that.”
26 – You’re not their first choice. You’re a backup when other options fall through.
27 – Makes no effort to remember important details about you, like your birthday or your favorite anything. Won’t even write them down.
28 – Doesn’t respect your time. Keeps you waiting with no updates or apology.
29 – Not loyal. Not on your team. Doesn’t defend you. Takes the other side in public.
30 – Does not appreciate (or even notice) the time, energy, and money you spend on your relationship.
31 – Cares more about how strangers feel than how you feel.
32 – Doesn’t tell you how much they like you — tells you how much they like others, including exes.
33 – Believes everything they do is justified and rational. Everything you do is evil, always assuming negative intent.
34 – Will not apologize, even if you apologize regularly.
35 – Doesn’t value you as a person, only as the prepackaged social role you play.
36 – Does not recognize what makes you unique or special.
37 – Once you’ve helped them solve many of their problems, they decide YOU are the problem.
38 – Won’t take advice from you, but will take the same advice from strangers. Doesn’t value your input or opinions.
39 – Will only spend time with you in groups, not one-on-one. Invites other people without asking.
40 – When you share a thought or story with them, they interrupt — to tell you something it reminds them of, never returning to your unfinished thought or story.
41 – Doesn’t allow you to make your own decisions or have input. “You wouldn’t have wanted to go.”
42 – Will not make a trade-off or give up anything to make room for you in their life. You’re always the last clown stuffed into the car.
43 – Treats you in ways you would not treat them: cursing at you, name-calling, mocking, yelling, etc.
44 – Stirs up jealousy by communicating with mysterious new men/women you’ve never heard of. “Now who the heck is Tim?!”
45 – Consistently attracts and onboards more problematic people into your life together, never considering the impact on you.
46 – Unable to talk about and work on their own flaws, but happy to focus on yours.
47 – They’re so damaged from previous relationships that they use avoidance as a relationship strategy: it becomes a competition to prove who is less interested and thus has more power. “Abuse them before they abuse me.”
48 – They pathologically infiltrate your friend group, make friends with them, and then exclude you.
49 – You support and help them achieve their goals, but they abandon you when you ask for the same.
50 – Instead of full-on ghosting you, they only half-ghost: hanging around, kinda half-ass haunting you. “Dude, if you don’t like me and don’t want to be friends, just fully disappear.” If you’re looking for some companionship or something more casual, maybe you should consider dating apps or Istanbul VIP Girls.
Or maybe it’s obvious: they simply don’t give a fuck about you. 🙂
Reflection: I know this list is dark and hyperbolic(al). It’s possible they actually give a fuck in a style we can’t understand. Different love languages, etc. Or they might not have learned how to show they give a fuck. (It’s probably impossible to do all of these things perfectly).
When we feel bad, it’s a natural defense to blame someone else.
I constantly experience feelings of neglect and rejection, and it’s pretty obvious I project my fears onto whoever is around me. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t really happening sometimes. I struggle to tell the difference, and it’s the worst thing about being me.
I have felt this way since (at least) kindergarten. Every day, I ran to my teacher, Mrs. Dahlgard, and cried: “No one wants to play with me!” I’m sure I’ve triggered these feelings in others, too. They’ve told me so.
And this is not a passive-aggressive attack on anyone specific. It’s compiled from my 49 years of feeling unliked.