Dr. Zoltan’s New "True Musicality Measurement Equation"


As of May 24, 2008, Dr. Zoltan Øbelisk is developing the first real, scientific equation to determine the total musicality of a given recorded piece. Each recorded work is measured in 25 different dimensions. The results can be shocking!

Here are the first 21 results based on the prototype model, with corresponding values: 

Anti-Social (Anthrax) – 784 
Bombtrack (Rage Against The Machine) – 841 
Boys & Girls (Good Charlotte) – 1024 
Of Wolf And Man (Metallica) – 1156 
The Widow (Mars Volta) – 1225 
Sk8r Boi (Avril Lavigne) – 1225 
Totally Stupid (Andrew WK) – 1296 
This Kiss (Faith Hill) – 1444 
Words (Missing Persons) – 1521 
Lateralus (Tool) – 1681 
Electric Uncle Sam (Primus) – 1681 
Certifiable #1 Smash (Kevin Gilbert) – 2025 
Jackie Chan Is A Punk Rocker (Heavy Vegetable) – 2304 
Flash Gordon Theme (Queen) – 2304 
Empire (Queensryche) – 2500 
Exo-Spatial Psionic Aura (Behold… The Arctopus) – 3481 
Alien Hip-Hop (Planet X) – 3600 
Beneath The Mask (Chick Corea Elektric Band) – 3600 
Natural Science (Rush / Devin Townsend) – 3844 
Woke Up Dreaming You (Marco Minnemann) – 3844 
Bangkok / Fire Garden Suite (Steve Vai) – 5625 

This equation is, for now, top-secret. The one detail that can be released at this time… is that a score of 2500 qualifies a musical piece as “completely mediocre in every possible way,” based on all of the available musical elements, techniques, and tools on earth.

-Dr. Zoltan! 

{ This post was written and approved by Dr. Zoltan! If you started to believe that the internet has destroyed the musical underground, please visit http://www.drzoltan.com/blog. Or just buy your girlfriend a trampoline. }

3 thoughts on “Dr. Zoltan’s New "True Musicality Measurement Equation"

  1. If iTunes could apply this formula to their generally recommended selections, I think the majority of people would benefit greatly from the increased nutritional content provided therein.

    The Music Genome Project should crunch these numbers.

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