Dr. Zoltan’s New "True Musicality Measurement Equation"

As of May 24, 2008, Dr. Zoltan Øbelisk is developing the first real, scientific equation to determine the total musicality of a given recorded piece. Each recorded work is measured in 25 different dimensions. The results can be shocking!

Here are the first 21 results based on the prototype model, with corresponding values: 

Anti-Social (Anthrax) – 784
Bombtrack (Rage Against The Machine) – 841
Boys & Girls (Good Charlotte) – 1024
Of Wolf And Man (Metallica) – 1156
The Widow (Mars Volta) – 1225
Sk8r Boi (Avril Lavigne) – 1225
Totally Stupid (Andrew WK) – 1296
This Kiss (Faith Hill) – 1444
Words (Missing Persons) – 1521
Lateralus (Tool) – 1681
Electric Uncle Sam (Primus) – 1681
Certifiable #1 Smash (Kevin Gilbert) – 2025
Jackie Chan Is A Punk Rocker (Heavy Vegetable) – 2304
Flash Gordon Theme (Queen) – 2304
Empire (Queensryche) – 2500
Exo-Spatial Psionic Aura (Behold… The Arctopus) – 3481
Alien Hip-Hop (Planet X) – 3600
Beneath The Mask (Chick Corea Elektric Band) – 3600
Natural Science (Rush / Devin Townsend) – 3844
Woke Up Dreaming You (Marco Minnemann) – 3844
Bangkok / Fire Garden Suite (Steve Vai) – 5625 

This equation is, for now, top-secret. The one detail that can be released at this time… is that a score of 2500 qualifies a musical piece as “completely mediocre in every possible way,” based on all of the available musical elements, techniques, and tools on earth.

-Dr. Zoltan! 

2 thoughts on “Dr. Zoltan’s New "True Musicality Measurement Equation"

  1. If iTunes could apply this formula to their generally recommended selections, I think the majority of people would benefit greatly from the increased nutritional content provided therein.

    The Music Genome Project should crunch these numbers.

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